I have hypothyroidism. Luckily, there's a cure: a medication called levothyroxine, which I have to take every day. There are other cures too. For example, lots of people claim that a medication called Armour Thyroid is a really good one. Recently I persuaded my doctor to let me try Armour Thyroid. I wanted to see if the Armour would make me feel even better than the levothyroxine. That was five days ago, so I've been taking Armour for the last five days. Here's my verdict: I feel a lot worse, and my low-level depression has returned.

To be fair to the Armour Thyroid, maybe I'm just not taking enough. I'm only on a starting dosage of 1.5 grains (90 mg). I was taking more levothyroxine, which means the overall power of my medication has taken a nose dive:

I plan to get a higher dosage soon of course because I'm not going to mope around being depressed all my life. But with hypothyroidism, it's a ritual for the doctor to start with a minuscule dosage and then slowly slowly slowly increase it, like a snail climbing a wall. Why? No-one knows really. It's just the way it's done. To quote Jack Black, it ain't got no reason. (Nah, it's because of blood tests really. it takes a few weeks for levels to stabilise in your blood.)

Anyway, it’s interesting to see this low-level depression return with the reliability of the German transit system. And to think, I could make it disappear with enough thyroid medication, easy as that! There's nothing more to it. Shockingly simple. I just need more triiodothyronine. As my former fellow student Joe Dillion said, "I think some people's brains are just shit at keeping them happy".

What kind of low-level depression symptoms do I have? Well, one is elation. Wait, wait hear me out. It’s counter-intuitive, I know. But it's a desperate, unhealthy, unstable elation. One way it manifests is yearning to contact friends I've lost touch with. I want to reach out to them and let them know I'm okay, that I'm still alive. And I want to know how they are too. Thankfully I never do, cause that would be weird.

Another is recalling weirdly specific lyrics of songs. For example:

I never conquered, rarely came. Sixteen just held such better days. Days when I still felt alive.

That's from Blink 182's Adam's Song. And this is from Bloc Party's SRXT:

I remember moments of happiness. Endless summer, acoustic guitars.

Both songs represent depression, idealisation of the past, and a belief that the present is inferior. But it's all true! Because I was fine before this damn thyroid problem started, which I reckon was over fifteen years ago, before puberty.

Also from Adam's Song:

Remember the time that I spilled the cup of apple juice in the hall? Please tell mom this is not her fault.

Anyway, I have to go now because I'm going to cry in the corner. Goodbye.