It's time for a change. I'm tired of this life. I'm not talking about a change of city or a change of underwear. No. A person change. I don't want to be myself anymore.

All these years I've spent with undiagnosed hypothyroidism. I'm tired of it. I don't want to be this person anymore. I feel like I've been down a hole.

Is life short or long? It depends how you look at it - either 1) life is great but too short or 2) life is a burden, in which case life is too long and you look forward to dying. I'm straddling the two groups, but I really want to be in the first. I want it so badly that I close my eyes and cross my fingers and pray that God doesn't know so he can't take it away from me. Hallelujah.

Let me start from the beginning. Or the end, if you like - the end of an era. A week ago, a doctor told me I have hypothyroidism. The symptoms of hypothyroidism are a lack of energy, brain fog, minor depression, as well as a host of other cool stuff. He gave me a prescription for a synthetic drug; the equivalent of what my thyroid gland should be making. It can take a few weeks to alleviate the symptoms, but I think I'm already starting to feel better.

Yesterday, someone asked me how I was. For once, I wasn't lying when I said, "I'm good".

Tonight I wanted to go out and get drunk with my girlfriend. Normally I wouldn't want to. I wouldn't want to. I'd have a headache or feel a bit shitty or tired. But tonight, I was like, yeah, life! I want some! I want some fucking life. I want to feel the age I actually am. I want to blow up my old life with TNT and then put the shards back together to make something better.

I'm placing all my bets on this Synthroid doing something. The doctor (and Google) says that I'll feel the effects gradually over the next few weeks. Why don't people talk about this more? Fuck your newspapers. This is where the real stories are. People recover from hypothyroidism, that should be your headline.

I want my sense of smell back. And to feel young again. And to feel normal again.

I want an end to this bullshit. This fucking bullshit.

And that is why this is the end of who I am, if all goes to plan. A new life. A new me.

You'll see.